It’s a project, not a dream
Tuesday October 10th 2006
Ginny HillI have been living and working in France for 21 years and my experience couldn?t be better. Then again, I came for what is probably the best of reasons: I fell in love with a Frenchman in my mid-20s and we?re still happily married. At the time, I was an English teacher and there was a job available in the Paris school of the language training company I worked for. I later became a freelance translator and built up a successful business.
When my husband took early retirement eight years ago, we moved to the lovely village in the south of Burgundy that he comes from. I now work from home and have kept all my Paris clients, thanks to IT and email. I speak fluent French and am totally integrated into French life ? to the extent of supporting the French football and rugby teams even when they play against England, much to my mother?s despair. Home is very definitely France and I can?t see myself ever living in England again.
Since I?ve been here, I?ve met and got to know plenty of other ?foreign settlers? of various nationalities. For many, the experience is positive. For others, it is a short-lived nightmare.
When things don?t work out, it?s often because the move hasn?t been properly planned. I would say, don?t think of it as ?fulfilling a dream?: it?s a project, not a dream, and every aspect of it has to be carefully thought through and examined in detail. Dreams don?t include tax aspects, healthcare, retirement possibilities and the like. Projects do.
In the case of couples, it?s also very important that they are both equally enthusiastic about making the move. A half-hearted partner will end up very homesick and may even decide to go back home alone.
But if there?s just one piece of advice to give, I would say learn the language, learn the language and learn the language. Not just for practical purposes, important as they are. Most people can ?get by? with just a smattering of vocabulary and many do so for years. What I mean is: achieve a level where you feel comfortable and can hold a real conversation. If you don?t, you will never make good friends with non-English speakers, never fully understand your new culture and never be a real part of your community. You may even feel unable to participate in some of your favourite activities if you can?t communicate with a certain level of ease (by way of an example, an English guy recently wanted to join the choir I sing in but didn?t stay because he couldn?t follow what the choir director was saying). In other words, you will never be able to be yourself.
Also, both partners should learn the language. Otherwise, the one who can?t speak it will find him- or herself totally dependent on the other. That becomes frustrating for both of you ? one has to do all the work and the other feels helpless.
You shouldn?t expect to just ?pick up the lingo? once you get to your new country. Some people seem to think that learning a language happens by osmosis. On the contrary, it involves putting in a lot of time and hard work. It should be part of your pre-move preparations and you then need to schedule learning time into your new life.
If you?re not willing to make the effort to communicate with the local people, then why should they pay any attention to you? From my own experience, I can assure you that the more effort you make, the richer and happier your new life will be.
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